This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
