I'm laying in your front yard are you home
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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