If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
