yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
