Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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