is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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