I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
