So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
that is very illegal...i love you.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
