Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
