sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
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At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
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Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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