but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Success! We fucked roommates!
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
