i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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