We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
