I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
