sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
