Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
The beer is more important than you right now.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
