My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
