On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
