Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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