Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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