Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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