So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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