its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
