New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
