We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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