DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
