What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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