we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
