Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
