You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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