I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
ttyl tear gas
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
