I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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