you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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