One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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