Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
