This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
