I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
