I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
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In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.