Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Dating After Heartbreak
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?