I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.