Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me