carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry