The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
