guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.