Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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