too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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