I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
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