his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
