Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
