Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
