I'm so fucking centered right now
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
