3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
