I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
