is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
