I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
