He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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