haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
