Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
