WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
