She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
