Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
