You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
