Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
