I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
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