Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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