The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Randomize
