Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
