am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
