I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
