it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
