The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
