i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
