he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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