i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
