chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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